An Open Letter to the Father That Never Was

I have been watching you silently for years now, teaching by example that there are men who deposit children into the world simply to convince themselves that they are men, then spend their entire lives proving to their children that they are not worth the bodily fluid that made them. 

I have said nothing because you are the twins’ father, and I would no sooner hurt them frivolously than cut off an arm.  But you have gone far enough.  You left your twenty-one-year-old son standing by himself for nearly two hours in a place he has never been before, after he traveled three hours by public transit specifically to see you.  You are a villain.

Without thinking, I can recall myriad occasions when you dashed these boys to the rocks in favor of some selfish pursuit.  If I could assemble your lies side by side, they would encircle this city.  You engage in hype, in endless rhetoric, then fail to deliver.  Always.  You have bought one twin a birthday gift, but not the other.  You have let Christmases pass with nothing.  You have refused to house them when we were in need, then moved in with your new woman and her ungrateful children.  You have ducked child support but told them to come see your new boat.  Then you have called them, angry because they didn’t call you for Father’s Day.

Well, “father”, let me tell you about your sons.  Their entire lives are a reaction to what you have done to them. 

One shut down for years, angry and frustrated and hurt and sad that the world seemed to have left him behind.  That other people “have it like that”, and he doesn’t.   He had to crawl out of that pit without help or acknowledgement from you.  He speaks to you because he has to, because he loves his mother and doesn’t want her to think ill of him.  But he has no use for you.  You are a non-entity to him.

The other exhausts himself chasing the attention and affection of people who constantly hurt and disappoint him.  He is the sweetest boy in the world with the most self-loathing I have ever seen exist in one person.  He is a simple mind and holds out a useless hope that you will turn out to be something more than the walking, talking piece of human detritus that you are.

Did you know that these boys do for each other what you do not do for them?

Twin One is the father figure – he makes patient explanations and calms his brother when he is agitated.  His brother comes to him for advice and consolation.  We count on him to understand Two as only a man can and we cannot, because there is no other man in his life.

Twin Two is the provider – when One has been unable to work, it is Justin that has provided.  He rarely gets things for himself without getting one for Adam.  He has paid both their bills when it is necessary.  He gets goofy when One needs a laugh.  He always wants to know where One is and what he is doing, endlessly seeking out One’s  company and his attention.

So, at the end of this rant, it becomes very clear that they really don’t need you, “Dad”, which is just as well, because they have never really had you in first place.  But that’s OK.  They have their mother, and they have me.   As long as they have us, nothing you can ever do will have any lasting effect on their lives. 

And that’s the best thing about having you for a father.